Throughout my elementary school years, I was a gymnast who was fast moving up the different levels of competition. I thought for sure I could be an Olympic gymnast for the 1996 or 2000 Summer Olympics. When I began middle school, I quickly found a love for music as I began playing the flute. From 6th grade until my sophomore year of college, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up: a band director. This is why I entered into the music school at UF and graduated with a BM in Music Education.
But during my sophomore year of college, I felt something I had never felt before. Rather than simply picking what I liked and what I wanted as a career, I got the first sense of calling in my life. It was certainly a power beyond me, a sense that God was whispering into my ear. It was scary to receive that call. I cried for days at the mere thought of going to seminary to be a minister. What if I didn't know the Bible well enough? What if people think I'm just doing this because my father is a minister? What if I had too many faith questions to be considered a "good Christian" in others' eyes? What if too many people judge me as a woman in this predominately male-led field? What if, what if what if....
After feeling an overwhelming sense of love and support from friends, colleagues, family, and my home church, I gained the confidence to apply to seminary. Long story short, I went to seminary in hopes of becoming a parish minister, whether it be working with youth, children, or adults. I wasn't exactly sure what I was feeling called to; however, I was certain of the one thing I was not being called to: hospital ministry. Hospitals scared me - they were a place of sickness, death, uncertainty, sadness, loss of hope. I didn't want to be a part of that. (In another blog, I will get into more of my fear about hospitals and death in particular). But for now, I will just say that it is indeed a calling I feel in this season of my life to be in a year of hospital chaplaincy work. It involves me looking fear in the face and opening my ear, my heart, and my soul to those people who find the hospital to be a place like I had described. It is a calling, I am sure of this. Ask anyone who knew me, hospital ministry was NOT the place for me. That is God at work. So while my career choices have changed from the hopes of being a roller-skating astronaut in a Cinderella dress to a comfy shoe-wearing chaplain in button downs and dress pants, I have always been able to set my mind on something and run with it (especially in hospital work, we are literally running all over the hospital). This is why I deeply believe that God does not have one calling for my life, but rather a calling for each season, and God's grace will carry me through each season of this journey. This is why I have chosen to call this blog "Seasonal Grace."
And that is why I plan to share this journey in my blog, and hopefully help others to find the seasonal calling in their lives, however crazy they may seem.
I will be your first follower and comment ;). I remember that season of your k
ReplyDeleteLife. In fact I remember sitting in the parking lot of the hard rock hotel in Orlando when you told me you felt that calling. I have envied you as you worked your way through seminary, as i once felt like that was my calling also. I agree more than you can understand that our callings change with seasons. I have never felt more like I am in the place God has for me as I do in the nonprofit world. In fact I have switched from my masters in Theology to nonprofit leadership. You inspire me because you didn't let fear stand in your way like I did. And, before I spent that eight days in the hospital I really just thought a hospital chaplain walked the halls waiting for someone to pray with. But, they sought me out...she cried with us, held my hand as I was so scared of what the doctors were telling me, wrapped me in a prayer shaw made by believers praying for my son, she was there when he was born, she baptized him into the kingdom before he took his last breath, she held him after he died, she did his funeral for us, she has written several times since...I cNt put into words what that meant to us...it is an amazing ministry. I will pray that God uses you as the same vessel of hope.
I just wrote you a long response but somehow my computer deleted it all. Grrrr. Oh well, for now I guess I will just say thanks for sharing those stories with me. I appreciate your words about the chaplain you were with during the birth and loss of Trent. Sounds like she was able to provide some comfort at such a sad and unexpected time.
ReplyDeleteIt was fun reading through your interest journey. I will say that as you went through each one you did it with passion and threw yourself into them 100%. We were always led to believe that once we chose a career path that we would stick to it for our whole lives. Of course I didn't do that and I always felt like I was running from something. You made it so clear with your idea of seasons. This is my latest season and I guess that's OK!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, ma. All those times you were saying "I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up," I believe you were moving through seasons of different work: library work, frame shop work, scrapbook work, church work, etc. Who knows what the next season will bring you??
ReplyDeleteJenny, what a well written piece! Reading what Mary Ann wrote reminds me of how I used to feel. I look at my family members out of state and everyone has been successful through the years. I look at myself and all I have done for the past 33 years is manual labor, making stuff for people, or making sure people are treated well through my customer service skills. I finally have decided to step up and go back to college in hopes of having my own business.
ReplyDeleteReading this piece jogged the back of my mind where I always wanted to prove to everyone else I can be a white collar worker/professional and be successful. I am sure once I prove to myself I have always been just like the rest of the family, but only took a different road through life, I will find another adventure to go on.
Of course, I decided to do this in the later years of my life; but, that keeps me young and keeps the survival instinct intact in me!
Beth, you are certainly someone who has an inner-drive and a goal, and I admire that. Keep pushing forward in life and know that you are loved along the journey!
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