Monday, January 9, 2012

Party of One

I go shopping by myself.  I go to the gym by myself.  And sometimes I’ll go eat food by myself.  But for the most part, I’m with people.  I love planning hangouts and spending quality time with others.  Why?  Because I LOVE PEOPLE.  Being with friends gives me more energy than curling up alone with a book (my sincere apologies to all the introvert roommates I lived with in college and seminary).  This is the blessing and the curse of being an extreme extrovert.  I love being with people so much that sometimes it’s easier for me to be with others than it is to be with myself.

A 1,000-bed hospital rarely provides you with alone time.  As chaplains, we’re always with patients, with staff, and with other chaplains.  As a supervisory student, I have students on any given day who have questions and curiosities about pastoral care, theology, and protocol.  If I need to work on papers or do research, I have to go to my office.  It is the only place where I can be (mostly) uninterrupted.  But my office gets so lonely sometimes!  Let me paint a picture for you…

In order to get to my office, I have to go downstairs to the basement, walk past the morgue, walk through the hallway that has pipes in place of ceilings, go through the door of the unmarked hallway with nothing but a ‘ladies restroom ‘ sign on it, go past pest control’s office and unlock my office on the left just before the security guard’s break room and lockers.  I have a wonderful office and I am grateful for the space to get my work done.  But it sure can get lonely for the average extrovert.  On a related but slightly off-topic note, today I was walking to my office with a piece of pecan pie in hand.  I walked past the morgue, looked at the pecan pie in my hand, looked at the morgue door, and thought, ‘How odd it is that people on the other side of the door are dead and here I go with pecan pie in my hand like I don’t have a care in the world.’  This work teaches me something new every day.

Anyways…once I was in my office, I decided I’d go to the Bible and find all the awesome things that happened in the Bible where large crowds were gathered.  This task had two goals: 1) it would help me with the research for my theology position paper; and 2) it would help me see how the extroverts of biblical days found energy and life.  I found many stories: The feeding of the five thousand in the gospels; the rebuilding of the walls in Nehemiah; the coming of the Holy Spirit in Acts.  Boo-yah.  I could definitely prove my point that God is present when we are in community.

But then I read the story of Jacob (Gen 28:10-22).  And Moses (Gen 19:20-25). And the Samaritan woman (John 4:1-26).  And yes, even Christ (Luke 22:40-44).  Example after example of people alone in the presence of the Holy One.  I was humbled.  I wondered if leaders like Moses were introverts or extroverts.  For Moses’ sake, I hope he was extroverted because he was always with the Israelites…and they definitely had no qualms about telling him how they felt on any given day.  And still, Moses is called by God to the top of the mountain in the presence of only himself and God.

And then I had a thought.  I wonder how much better introverts are than me at practicing stillness in the presence of the Lord.  I wonder how much I can learn from being alone.  This is one of my greatest growing edges as I continue my supervisory work.  How can I be alone with myself? With my story?  With my struggles?  With God?  It definitely won’t be easy for me.  But I promise you I talked to no one – not even myself – as I wrote this blog.  Little victories count, right?

2 comments:

  1. Don't forget the Catholic office! (Or is that the last one on the left?)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's just after my office. Glad you followed my visual tour!

    ReplyDelete